ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
