I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
