college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
