bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize