Screwed.edu
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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