i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
