I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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