I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
