Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
