She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
