last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
