My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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