I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
