I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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