You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
