I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
