Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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