I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
