Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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