i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
