I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
