We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
