so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
