Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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