Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
