he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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