Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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