I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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