Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
