was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
