Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
