the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
