I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
