ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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