I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
