Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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