so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize