Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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