I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
whose parrot is this?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
