i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
