Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
