what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
