just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
