how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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