I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dicks are not precious.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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