I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
