you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
