I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
