are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
