yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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