i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
