how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
