You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize