I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
