I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
