he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
