He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
