If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
