Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize