remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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