apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
