i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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