Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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