she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
