Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
