then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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